I live with teenage boys so at my house there are select words they can't - or shouldn't use - even though mastering the art of the "expletive" seems very grown up indeed. Unless one of the boys has hit his hit his thumb with a hammer, their dad and I prefer a more refined vocabulary. On certain days, I am more successful at winning this battle than on others (especially when their peers are plentiful and so is the testosterone!).
With respect to real estate, my vocabulary is even more limited than my boys' language. Not only am I always mindful of my word selection (or as my mother use to say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.") I'm legally barred from using descriptions that are in fact, often the most accurate. While it seems counterintuitive, it's the law! As any loyal Perspective reader knows, I write nice thumbnail descriptions of my favorite listings each week where I am trying to convey (to the best of my ability) the feeling of a home in three or four sentences. But here's what you probably don't know: HUD (The Department of Housing and Urban Development) prohibits me from using words like "family," "walk," or "children," without running the risk of a hefty penalty being levied my way! Why? Because these words are considered to be discriminatory by nature. And while I have a very liberal definition of the concept of "family," those who choose to remain childless, might feel otherwise. So while I can wax poetically about a "panoramic bay view" or a "babbling brook," I can't suggest that one might actually "walk" somewhere without getting the ADA upset. This becomes a very slippery slope. At the risk of offending anybody and everybody, Realtors must often speak in code to convey the best or most practical use of a property. The fact is that "live/work loft buyers" typically differ greatly from "Crocker Highland's traditional home buyers" or "Hiller Highland condominium buyers" and why wouldn't they? Each of these residences offer very different amenities. They're not just apples, and oranges, but apples, oranges and pomegranates in the fruit bowl of life. So when you read "spacious home with level garden, near Piedmont schools," you should know that what I'm really trying to say is: "terrific family home for kids and pets and walk to school!" Read between the lines - you'll soon get my intended meaning. BTW- reading between the lines applies to adjectives and phrases such as "quaint," "first time on the market," and "all original," as well . . . if you get my drift. Now I've got a few choice words for the HUD!
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Halloween is just around the corner and things are beginning to look frightening. Graveyards are popping up all over Piedmont and the ghosts are flying on Dracena Avenue once again. My younger son, Tristan, loves this time of year (What kid doesn't? Costumes and candy corn? Seriously, it's a winning combination - even for me).
Unlike my sister's darling daughters who tend to dress as flappers or Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, no saccharin cartoon character costumes will do for Tristan. If it doesn't involve a medieval weapon, a black-hooded cape and a scary mask, he's just not interested. Recently, I had quite a scare when I called my local mortgage broker, Melissa Milton of LaSalle Financial, and asked her to do a credit check on me! Like many of you, I am keeping my options open and wanted to know: "Would I qualify for a loan in this "more conservative lending climate" - OR did I have some heavy housework ahead with respect to my "credit worthiness?" While I never miss a mortgage payment, in the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I am occasionally tardy on the PG&E bill and there was that one accidental overdraft last year . . . so I was legitimately worried. In the absence of any real knowledge, I had forecast all kinds of spooky scenarios! This is where fear and denial walk hand-in-hand. For the last few years, I had been putting off obtaining a credit review even though I believe it's the smarter choice - especially now. Still, I imagined the Grim Reaper delivering the bad news (not that Melissa's the Grim Reaper. She's more like Glenda, the good witch). Would I be heavily penalized for my few brief lapses in time? Would my husband? Truth be told, I really had no clue. Invoices come in and payments go out (typically in a timely fashion) but how do I stack up where it really counts? No, not St. Peter (I'm hoping Heaven's gates are more forgiving). I'm talking about the big three credit bureaus; I'm talkin' FICO SCORES! So with courage in hand, I gave Melissa a call and guess what? After all that senseless worrying, I qualify as "good to excellent" and so does my husband (no sense in obtaining only half the equation). While neither of us is perfect (who is?) we are both in the UPPER range. Yoo hoo! (Credit scores, like SATs, range from a low of 300 to a high of 850.) Now that's just good to know. Turns out, knowledge is a powerful sleeping aid. While a move isn't in my imminent future (college tuition is) perhaps, it is in yours. My advice is that you follow my lead, pick up the phone, obtain a credit history and line up your lending options BEFORE identifying the home of your dreams. Put your bank representative or your favorite mortgage broker to work for you. That's part of the service they provide. IF there is a problem, any experienced mortgage broker worth her salt (or sugar) will help you navigate the hurdles and rectify any outstanding concerns. (This can involve a few letters or it can be more complicated, but the sooner you have the information, the better off you'll be.) Whatever the outcome, it can't possibly be as scary as your imagination might lead you to believe! Now break out the candy corn and let's bob for apples. Boo! I am about to make you all a little jealous so I'll apologize up front for gloating. Last Friday, good friends of mine gave me four premier tickets and a parking pass to the San Francisco Giant's baseball game. They were field level seats about five rows back at the first base line with a perfect and intimate view of the action. (These types of gifts make it hard to go back to general seating once you've been spoiled!)
Even better, San Francisco was experiencing record-breaking temperatures that made for an incredibly balmy evening at the park - the kind that begs for a plate of nachos and an ice-cold drink (I wore shorts and sandals)! And it didn't hurt that the Giants won the game against the Colorado Rockies in brisk fashion. (Two hours and twenty-three minutes - that's my kind of ballgame.) During the seventh inning, the Giant's mascot, Lou Seal (Luigi Francisco Seal) joined the party. Having danced a couple of seasons in a Bugs Bunny costume for Great America (it's true!) I get as excited as a kid when I see a fun-loving mascot doing his thing and Lou's among the best in my humble opinion. He was leading us in a crowd-pleasing rendition of Take Me Out to the Ball Game, but failed to notice my waving arms and enthusiastic singing as he rewarded fans with free bags of Cracker Jacks. Hmmm?!? With all due respect to Tim Lincecum and his fantastic pitching, keep your foul balls, what's a gal gotta do to get a FREE box of Cracker Jacks? I LOVE that mammal. Couldn't he tell? Didn't I deserve some love back? No sooner had that thought popped into my mind when the spectator to my right turned to me and said, "We're taking off soon and I packed extra snacks. Would you like some?" and handed me an unopened box of Cracker Jacks (I kid you not)! "The only condition is that if there's a tattoo inside, you have to wear it." Done! Now how's that for asking the universe to deliver? So without sounding too space age - I am a strong believer in the concept that we have a way of creating our own reality. This isn't a touchy, feely kind of philosophy - it's the understanding that we unconsciously move toward out dominate thought or to put it in other words - ask and ye shall receive! So why not ask for the house of your dreams and I am betting you'll begin to find it - even if the house isn't perfect (remember perfection doesn't exist). All kinds of opportunities will begin to present themselves and instead of finding objections, you'll begin to see the possibilities! See what a warm summer evening and a simple box of Cracker Jacks can do? (Although my husband says I set my sights too low and should have asked for a winning lottery ticket instead.) And thanks to the San Francisco Giants, their mascot, Lou Seal, and the unexpected but welcome generosity of my friends for a spectacular evening! Hey, I'm 100 today (not years, but editions) and thanks to you, readership has grown to more than 1000 subscribers and continues to expand. Rarely a week goes by without a few new readers added to the list. I can't tell you how gratifying that is.
Today marks my 100th edition and I take great pride in that. What started as a weekly listing update has blossomed into a unique and creative platform to speak to all manner of issues with respect to real estate. Unexpectedly, it has also given me an opportunity to share stories about my children, my friends, my mother-in law, my sisters, my parents, the dog and my husband - who is easily the funniest person I have ever known, but also loves me in spite of how often I poke fun at him (which is often! ) Honey, this must be the "for better or worse" part of the vows. As to the rest of you - throughout the months, you've written or called to ask if I was referring specifically to you in a particular piece. Once in awhile, the answer is "yes," but usually, any reference, is coincidental; the examples are a composite of many people and many experiences. Typically, a phrase, a song, a memory or a moment gives me a "jumping off " point and a story takes root (and yes, I do take broad literary license). I build a framework, let it marinate, rewrite, rewrite, REWRITE, fine tune and then meet with DJ Grubb on Tuesdays who has become an integral part of the process. While he rarely makes changes, when he does, they are always "spot on." He is invaluable to me in keeping the news relevant and the one-liners memorable. (Thank you DJ.) A few of you have written to ask why your home didn't make The Perspective in a given week, as if it wasn't somehow "Perspective worthy." The short answer is that I made an agreement with my coworkers when I began writing The Piedmont Perspective to seek approval before publication. Some agents prefer to tightly control the marketing of their listings and I do my best to respect that choice and their practice. Inevitably, I'll have made a mistake or two (John Faust) or inadvertently passed along information prematurely. If so, I apologize. On balance, I hope I have had more hits than misses. If they haven't all been home runs, they've certainly contributed to the conversation as evidenced by those times when you approach me to tell me how much you enjoyed the piece I wrote about baseball, were touched about my son's college hunt or laughed over the argument about Cliff's briefcase . That you remember the stories, that they made an impact or struck a chord, is continually surprising and brings me great personal joy. The favorite part of my week is each Wednesday when I hear back from you. (Some of you are regulars and I'm forever in your debt.) I'm most often asked, "How do you come up with the stories?" It's a bit of a mystery (even to me) a touch of serendipity, a lot of work and some pixie dust! Some of the topics come easily and others take much longer to emerge. Some get tossed in the recycle bin only to resurface weeks later in much better form, having improved while gestating. Others simply get discarded altogether; lost forever or not good enough to make the grade. With each piece, I work very hard to create readable copy and an authentic voice. I admittedly keep it positive, not because I see the world through rose-colored glasses, but because I truly believe in the concept of home ownership. To quote Dorothy, "There's no place like home." Along the way, you have referred me friends, family, neighbors and coworkers and my business has grown exponentially. For anyone who works in a competitive field as I do, your referrals are the ultimate compliment and acknowledgment of my value. You have entrusted me with your care in transitions that are often highly emotional, even under the best of circumstances - and I hope I have lived up to your expectations. So thank you one and all for reading, for writing back, for creating the moments, for the good-natured rebuttals and for The Piedmont Perspective's growing success and circulation. It has been a true privilege. Here's to the next 100 episodes and here's to growing older! I hope I continue to improve with age. I typically steer clear of any political views in The Perspective, but having just watched President Barack Obama take the oath of President of the United States, I should acknowledge that perhaps, the most coveted piece of property this week was anywhere along the parade route or in National Mall in Washington D.C., where MILLIONS of heartfelt citizens vied for space and the opportunity to gather together to celebrate the change of leadership and to honor our first African American President - a fitting tribute, one day after The Martin Luther King Holiday and 46 years after Dr. King's, I have a Dream speech was immortalized in front of the Lincoln Memorial.
I grew up in Sacramento in the 60s and 70s in a fully-integrated school system and never gave much thought to color. My life and environment was not simply dotted, but heavily saturated with diversity. As I matured and entered the workforce, my friends, classmates and colleagues have seamlessly represented every ethnic, religious and sexual orientation - much to my benefit and growth. However, it occurred to me while watching the presidential inauguration, and the many memorable and moving faces within the crowds, that change which was once forcibly mandated by law, has now been voluntarily embraced by choice. No where is that concept more evident than here in Oakland and Berkeley where blended families seem to be the rule rather than the exception. On any given Sunday Open, I meet people from every walk of life and they echo this sentiment in our discussions. Oakland/Berkeley/Piedmont proudly serve as home to a kaleidoscope of nationalities, experiences, and beliefs. Our unique community isn't a color-blind society - it's a color-RICH society. (Isn't it the differences in texture and colors that make a patchwork quilt truly vibrant?) These are indeed historical times. Like the many participants and well wishers that came together this week to share a sense of purpose, I am looking forward to profound changes - not only in Washington D.C. - but throughout the entire county. With renewed hope, I anticipate and embrace remarkable and profound changes ahead for all of us. Let me remind you that I will be donating 10% of my net proceeds to the charity of your choice after the close of escrow throughout 2009! I returned to college after the birth of my son, Case, planning to put some of my dancer's training to work as a physical therapist (for anyone who's counting, he's now 17). Enrolling at the College of Marin, I discovered my previous science education left much to be desired. (Choreographers didn't inquire as to one's science background and a career in real estate was still several years away.)
Scanning the course directory, I strategically selected a geology class, believing it would be the path of least resistance (it wasn't). As the pedantic, white-haired professor loved to frequently remind us (speak really, really slow while saying this) "geological time spans millions of years . . ." which means that geological time moves more quickly than my teenager! Last Friday I was reacquainted with the concept of "geological time" when I went to hear Howard Cook speak at the Oakland Association of Realtors offices in downtown Oakland. (No, I'm not implying that he spoke too long.) Mr. Cook is a partner at Bay Area Retrofit and was speaking to the complicated, yet compelling tax rebate programs currently being offered by the cities of Oakland and Berkeley. The retrofit program doesn't apply to those of us living here in Piedmont - but does apply to anyone in Oakland or Berkeley who has recently bought, or is in the process of buying; however, the qualifying criteria is specific to each city and extremely time sensitive so act quickly if you are interested. For a detailed description of qualifying criteria, go to www.bayarearetrofit.com. Cognizant that most of us in the room didn't have geological hours to spare, Mr. Cook (Howard) and his partners limited their remarks to a few digestible hours. (I think I speak for the handful of REALTORS who had gathered when I say, "thank you - we appreciated your brevity.") Still "geological time" was very much in the forefront as each partner spoke, in turn, about the Hayward Fault, which spans 40 miles and runs 20 miles deep. According to Howard, "The Hayward Fault is continuously in motion, but its history shows a major tectonic event of a 6.9 earthquake or more, every 140 years (give or take 25 years)!" Guess what? It's been 140 years since the last major event. Here's some of what Howard had to say (I'm paraphrasing to save you all two hours):
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AuthorJulie Gardner, has been writing The Perspective for 18 years and has published more than 750 humorous but always informative, essays on life and real estate. Categories
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