JULIE GARDNER
  • HOME
  • COMPASS
    • WHY COMPASS?
    • COMPASS CONCIERGE
    • COMPASS BRIDGE LOANS
  • LISTINGS
  • ABOUT
    • ABOUT JULIE
    • A DYNAMIC PARTNERSHIP
    • CONTACT
    • PROCESS
    • TESTIMONIALS
    • PRESS
  • PROJECTS
    • BEFORE & AFTER
    • GARDENS
    • OUR TEAM
    • VIDEOS
  • BLOG
  • COMMUNITY
    • UTILITIES
    • SCHOOLS

Choose Your Battles Wisely

7/29/2016

0 Comments

 
"Help me, help you. Help me, help you. Help ME help YOU!"  I silently thought as my mother-in-law insisted she'd take out her own trash. (This phrase is my most recent mantra from the movie, Jerry McGuire. For me, it's almost a prayer.) 
At 90 years of age, Zee finally relented to family pressure, health scares, and diminishing finances, and moved in with us last year into the garden apartment just below the main house that we'd designed specifically for her. Determined to remain fiercely independent ("fierce" being the operative word), the move hasn't exactly been easy - for either one of us. Two matriarchs with strong opinions and a tendency to speak our minds; it's been a bit like putting two roosters in one hen house. 

"I can do it myself!" (No, you can't. For the love of GOD, please let me help you!)

Last week, Zee fell and broke her hip on her way out the door; her untouched walker tucked neatly away in the hall closet. ("It makes me look old.") Yeah, I could see that one coming from a mile away. 

Thankfully, the crew who'd come to demo the yard were there to assist and I was unexpectedly, home as well. Cut to: a fire truck, the paramedics, an ambulance, the emergency room, surgery, and her release to a rehab facility three days later. She's back in business and no doubt will be up and running in no time at all (well, walking). Truly, Cliff's mom is a heavy-weight boxer at heart; she's not going down without a fight!

I don't easily discount the fight. Her fighting spirit has created a life that's stood this remarkable woman in good stead for more than nine decades to be sure, but it's also proven, from time to time, to be her nemesis as well. There's a point at which "fighting" for the sake of fighting isn't just less helpful, it's downright foolish.

Zee wouldn't agree with me. (Not everyone does.) 

I get it, no one wants to admit they need help. Moreover, when we've been trained to battle, it's tough to know when it's time to lay down your arms.(Help me, help you.) But as my own mother often reminded me (and still does), "Is this the hill you want to die on?"

So how does this family drama relate to Real Estate? 

It's this: The desire to fight - at any cost - can and often does, work against you, especially in the heat of the battle.

Recently accused of being too sympathetic to the other side's position by a highly anxious client, I readily accept - without apology - her assessment of the situation (guilty as charged) and here's why: negotiations should never be adversarial. Instead, they should seek solutions that move the transaction forward. When we mindfully navigate what's undoubtedly an emotional transition (for everyone involved) with the intention that both parties will give and get - in equal measure - it's far more likely that when one side needs some flexibility, the other side will be more willing to yield and find a middle ground. (Help me, help you.) In short, save your "asks" for those things that matter most.

Not everyone agrees with me. 

That's okay, they don't have to. They can choose to work with an Agent that prides themselves on taking NO prisoners and craves a knock-out punch. (It's still a free world as far as I can tell). But when push comes to shove (and it often does in a Real Estate transaction), I'll seek the high road every time.What's more, I'll encourage you to do the same BECAUSE experience has taught me that good will is never wasted and that kindness pays dividends - even when it's NOT immediately apparent. (BTW- you're not just being reasonable, you're being smart. Help me, help you!)

Can we avoid our negative feelings when we perceive an injustice (or a tough-as-nails mother-in-law)? No way, but we can certainly take a moment to check our responses, bite our tongues, reconsider that late-night text, set a win-win strategy, cultivate empathy, and view the lens from the other side. Conversely, when we set out to make things difficult, you're likely to find yourself out of the deal altogether. In other words, you may have won the battle, only to lose the war. So play nice and "choose your battles wisely," and you're far more likely to have a successful result in the end.

Hey, I'm off to visit Zee at Piedmont Gardens this morning. Today, her physical therapist is getting her out of bed (with the help of a walker). She'll have no choice but to use it now. (Go figure.) Keep fighting Zee; you'll need that feisty spirit to make it all the way back, but remember, I'm here to help. (You can give just a little.) That's what makes us family. 
 
How can I help you? 
​
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Subscribe

    Author

    Julie Gardner, has been writing The Perspective for 18 years and has published more than 775 humorous but always informative, essays on life and real estate. 

    Picture

    Archives

    June 2025
    May 2025
    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    November 2024
    October 2024
    September 2024
    August 2024
    July 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010
    September 2010
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010
    February 2010
    January 2010
    December 2009
    November 2009
    October 2009
    September 2009
    August 2009
    July 2009
    June 2009
    May 2009
    April 2009
    March 2009
    February 2009
    January 2009
    December 2008
    November 2008
    October 2008
    September 2008
    August 2008
    July 2008
    June 2008
    May 2008
    April 2008
    March 2008

    Categories

    All
    Business
    Design
    Drought
    Holiday
    Home Maintenance
    Homes For Sale
    Life
    Market
    Politics
    Renovation

    RSS Feed

    View my profile on LinkedIn
Piedmont · Oakland · Berkeley
 510.326.0840
[email protected]
DRE# 01431765
​COMPASS

  • HOME
  • COMPASS
    • WHY COMPASS?
    • COMPASS CONCIERGE
    • COMPASS BRIDGE LOANS
  • LISTINGS
  • ABOUT
    • ABOUT JULIE
    • A DYNAMIC PARTNERSHIP
    • CONTACT
    • PROCESS
    • TESTIMONIALS
    • PRESS
  • PROJECTS
    • BEFORE & AFTER
    • GARDENS
    • OUR TEAM
    • VIDEOS
  • BLOG
  • COMMUNITY
    • UTILITIES
    • SCHOOLS