exercise porn

I finally did it. I walked into a Peloton store and signed up for their 30-day free trial. (I couldn't afford the Tesla in the shop next door and this seemed the second less trendy thing to do.)

So last Wednesday, two young men arrived to deliver not only the bike, but the mat it sits on and a couple pairs of fancy biking shoes for both Cliff and me. They then programmed the touch screen with my name, age, height and weight and showed me how to select classes. Shazam, even I can handle that.

The Peloton is not just the latest stationary bike, it's a new-age computer, complete with personalized classes that pop up on a screen at my command, allowing me to pick 20, 30, 45, or 60-minute rides that range from beginning to advanced, and are set to music that covers everything from 80's pop, to hip-hop, to Latin, to country. (What about disco?)

Having spent the last week riding, it seems that no matter the level, all of the sessions are heart-thumping, get-you-moving, highly-motivational romps on the bike. Don't like that class? No problem; pick another. There's no shortage of options and opportunities.

With affordable monthly payments, cheerful, inspiring teachers, and fun, infectious music, the geniuses behind Peloton have clearly done everything they can think of to make the idea of sweating attractive enough for someone like me to get off the couch and get on the bike. (I think padded shorts may be in my future.)

It's no accident that the instructors are young, beautiful, ethnically diverse, incredibly fit, and totally encouraging: "You're not doing this alone, I'm here to accompany you on the journey." Hannah reminds me, smiling directly into the camera.

"No matter how hard you ride, it's perfect," Malika urges.

And my favorite from Joe: "You're doing everything right just by showing up today." (Thank you.)

Honestly, it's kind of like exercise porn.

While conceding "perfection" isn't typically my opening line (I've yet to sell the "perfect" home.), like the problem solvers at Peloton, the brain trust at Compass has also given great thought to the process of buying and selling homes, and more importantly, where the hurdles lie that keep people from moving on, moving out, or just plain moving!

So what's holding you back?

1) I'm overwhelmed. (No worries, we're here to help. You can hand me your keys secure in the knowledge that we will take care of everything).

2) I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. (Take your time, I'm not going anywhere and there will be other opportunities.)

3) There's risk involved. (Yes, there is, just as there is with any important life decision, including our jobs, our spouses, and our children. If you want a risk-free life, things are going to be fairly dull.)

4) I can't afford to fix up my house; there's too much to do. (Compass Concierge will float the preparation costs to bring your home to market with no upfront costs, no hidden fees, and no interest - ever - until you close escrow.)

5) How can I afford to buy if I haven't already sold? I don't want to move twice. (Who does? May I introduce you to Compass Bridge Loans. This unique and exclusive Compass program provides NO upfront costs for six months. As with Compass Concierge, fees are paid back at the close of escrow. No, Compass hasn't gone into the lending business, but they have partnered with exclusive service providers who are waiting for your call.)

In short, whatever your reasons for staying put, we're willing to meet the challenge. No, I'm not going to be able to deliver you a Peloton Bicycle, but I CAN handle your sale from beginning to end, AND Compass can help remove many of the financial hurdles along the way so that you have more peace of mind, less stress, and a far greater result.

As Hannah would say, "You're not doing this alone, I'm here to accompany you on the journey."

How can I help you?